“Freeing the Clown”

~Esther Mitchell, 1996 ~

How can I say the words,

Trapped behind this laughter,

When my voice freezes in fear,

Afraid it’s my heart you’ll slaughter?

The lacking is within me,

It beats here in my chest,

A wounded heart, estranged to love,

A trust abused, a dreaded test.

How sad the first steps,

Should have to be yours, upon this ice,

For the past holds me from movement,

My fear and pain swirled like a painter’s palette.

Please help me take that step,

Erase my fears and set me free,

Show me it’s again safe to trust,

And just love me for me.

For I’ll egg your laughter on,

At my own expense,

But when the day is done,

the paint streaks away beneath the weight of pain.

I fear you see only the clown,

This paint upon my face,

And that you’ll hate the me inside,

And take away my only safe space.

So promise me solemn,

And promise me true,

That, at my worst and at my best,

I can always count on you.

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