“Dead Inside”

~Esther Mitchell, 2014~

  

You never saw the moment you killed me,

When I became dead inside.

 

The ripping, tearing, bleeding apart,

The moment when it all crashed in on me,

When you left me a shell,

An empty, hollow husk in place of my heart.

 

You look with your blame-filled eyes,

And see only how I failed you,

Your tongue knows nothing but hate,

As the words trip over themselves,

Rushing to embed in my fragile being.

 

How dare I say a word,

Or have a single thought,

That doesn’t make you into a God.

 

You never saw the moment you killed me,

Or when I became dead inside.

 

The writhing pain sucking the breath from my soul,

Left me empty inside,

Bottled up, battered, and bruised,

Raped in ways even my most deviant of tormentors never imagined,

Forever stripped of the dignity to which I clung,

Even in the face of death.

 

You took away more than this shell,

Drove out my last and only hope,

Leaving only demons in your wake.

Pulled apart all that was whole,

As if the rabid dog in you,

Saw only fresh meat in me.

 

You never saw the moment you killed me,

The moment I became dead inside.

 

You stole everything precious to me,

And left me holding the knife,

Asking myself:

Would I?

Could I?

Should I?…

And why not?

What’s left to save in this bombed out husk of my soul?

It’s not murder, it’s not suicide,

It’s mercy, to end the torment of living,

When I’m already dead inside.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s