~Esther Mitchell, 2012~
When I was a child,
My parents taught me that good girls go to Heaven,
And bad girls go to Hell.
They taught me a God capable of saving me,
Could be the God likely to damn me,
And that failure to play by the rules,
Would send me straight to Hell,
Do not pass go, and there’s no pay collection here.
When I was still a child,
I learned Hell doesn’t come in a neat little package,
Doled out by a mythological Devil,
And that there’s no God waiting in the wings to save me.
I learned this not in watching another life unravel,
But in an instant when deliverance would have made a difference,
When salvation stood between an innocent child’s faith,
And a bleeding soul with scars so deep,
Your supposed “holy” water could never hope to wash them away.
I learned a different kind of God,
Gods who gave me strength to release the words trapped in my throat.
Gods who do not bear false promises to me,
Do not dangle hope like a shiny bauble I have no prayer of reaching.
The Gods I serve lay claim to equal parts healer and destroyer.
I expect walking Their paths will often leave me open, raw and bleeding.
There are no secrets, no false promises of love,
Only to be torn away when love is most needed.
I refuse a God who lays claim to benevolence,
Then leaves an innocent child to be ripped apart by a demon He created,
Whose priests claim destroying innocence and fragile faith are but “tests”
As if there’s a right answer to make the suffering go away
But I’m just too stupid to know the answer,
to a rigged game in which the prize is my own soul.
That is sadism, a deity soaked in darkness and sociopathy.
That is not a God. That is a monster, thinly veiled,
For, as a child,
I learned that the God of my parents,
Is a God of only lies.