I hope you’ll pardon me if I take a brief moment to write something not poetry. I get asked these questions so often, I felt it was important to answer in a very direct manner, so you can understand where my poetry comes from.
Why do you write poetry?
I write poetry because it was the first real form of self-expression I had. It was a way for me, as a very young child, to express my fears, pain, and emotions in the wake of a horrific personal trauma. I kept a journal of poetry, and that’s where I recorded everything I felt. I didn’t feel I had a voice, in my life, so the poetry became my voice. It’s taken a long time to start sharing these poems with the world, and this seemed like the best vehicle by which to do that, for now.
I have PTSD and chronic depression. Writing poetry helps me to work through and deal with the fears, trauma, and the depressive episodes. Which leads directly to the next question I’m always asked…
Why is so much of your poetry so dark and morbid?
Yes, most of my poetry is dark, dangerous, and uncomfortable to read, I’m sure. That’s because it’s expressing all the dark feelings, the depression, pain, and isolation I so often feel, and the memories and nightmares I so often face. It’s important to me that I get it out, and I will neither can nor will apologize for that. All I can say is, if it makes you too uncomfortable to read, there’s an easy solution: Don’t read it.
I know a lot of people think I’m morbid or a depressive personality. But I’m not. I tend to see life for its silver linings, for the good things that can come of it or be done with it. The problem is that certain situations oppress my natural enthusiasm for life. Certain places, people, events, and conditions leave me feeling restless and boxed in, unable to express my natural optimistic personality. The oppression of my core self leaves me exposed to absorbing all the negative energies around me, and using them as a shield against any more negative invasion (like repels like principle). Add to it my disease, which can cause chemical alterations to the mood, leading to physically/emotionally depressive episodes, and there are days I hate the depressing person I become…